Brighter than Sunshine...

Is how you might say I feel when I look at her smile and eyes...
There is one problem, I'm apprehensive...
I can't tell if it's just been brought on because she is still apprehensive, or if it really is me... But I'm almost positive that it's just me trying to protect myself because she is also trying to protect herself...
I can tell, though, that she's emotionally sensitive, even more so than me, and is probably why I was so concerned for her tonight, especially when I heard her voice crack when the past was brought up... It's good that we are on the same level again (just like a lot of other things) but I think the real problem is that she still hasn't gotten herself final closure and you can really only become stable after you get that... As I know... I'm just not as sensitive as her, and simply avoid the details of the subject at all cost, or I do become emotionally unstable, very quickly... That’s probably another reason for my recent apprehension...
The sooner the crap hits the fan, the sooner, I think and hope, we'll both start letting down our guards...
That explains why I kind of feel the same now as I do before we got into a relationship. It's because there is the same 'don't get too close' attitude before as there is now. Just now I don't have to worry about if she'll go out with me on a weekend, but instead worry about getting hurt worse... It's a risk that we all must take, its just a question of how sturdy are the hands you're falling into, and I would like to think that both of us have been through enough to never hurt each other like we have been in the past...
I'm tired... I might try to get up early and run again tomorrow, assuming my muscles, knee, and heart are up for the challenge... Clean up around the grounds or do some homework... Then hopefully get to hang out with Kenna for the rest of the day :)
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know I'll have a smile on my face when I see her again :)

Make-up post...

"Interesting what 10 days can do to me..."
Again, it holds true... Except its more like 11 days, but whatever, who's really counting when you're having fun? ;)
Lets see if I can say what I want to, without bringing out examples, but to give ya'll an idea what I'm talking about, its the same person I mentioned at the end of my last post that justifies the reason for this post...
Normally I blog about stuff... What I've been doing, what's going on etc... But mostly about what is making me happy at the moment and what is making me sad or mad... Recently I've avoided the sad or mad, or I should say that those things have avoided me, and I should be thankful...
Well, this one is mostly about why I'm happy, but this is a variation form the norm, if you can see it...
So, my thoughts over the past 7 crazy days?
Given that I'm a very perceptive person, quick to react and make decisions, makes this last week hard to deal with... Although I know everything is right, and near perfect as I know it could be with time, I have to restrain myself... I hate the feeling of seeing a bright future in front of me, but not being able to reach out and just grab it... It's almost painful to think that you'd be willing to change almost anything but it may not be good enough... I've done better this time at not jumping the gun and that has helped me in some ways deal with last week. It gives me a different perspective of what's going on... With that in mind, and the amount of time spent in the last week, I don't think I'm jumping the gun anymore... The only thing I had left to check doesn't even matter anymore... I know its fine and I have nothing to worry about, I know so...
I see the reasons for why there is a space between us...
But to me, I've already made up my mind, and crossed the line, into blindness, opening myself up to being hurt again, and I'm simply just waiting to see if she'll cross that line later as well...
I know that I could be on the other side waiting for a long time... And there is always a point at which the pain of waiting exceeds the pain involved with risking being hurt... I just hope it doesn't cross that point... It takes a lot of me every day, to hold myself down, and keep that pain down... And for now, I'm doing a very good job...
How can I know so soon, you might ask?
When you find a person that not just makes you happy, but takes you for you, even with your flaws, and also come to find that you have fun with her, and time begins to slip away, forgetting your surroundings, and you are in that moment.........
When looking at her smile makes your heart skip and when her eyes captivate you every single time you look at them...
When you find that rather than having to change yourself for her, she changes you, and makes you all the happier at the same time...
When you believe....
I could go on for hours... But I would rather go dream about it all...

Spring Break MoFo's!

Kind of a miss leading topic, cuz that is definitely not what this one is aboot...
Ok, more later... I passed out in my chair downloading music...
Time to get some sweet dreams ;)