It's Been A While...

19 Days is a while...
Time passes us by too quickly...
That, or I simply have a poor memory, and all that I accomplish in life will fade...
This is a random tangent, but I rely on other so much for my memories. Often people will give the usual "hey schue, remember the time we did _____...?", and I'll be like "Huh?", followed by a series of descriptions around the event that might jog my memory... Some things are ingrained in my mind forever, such as: my first kiss, my first and only love, the feeling she gave me, the day(s) it ended, the times I've run to Edmonson during the worst of times, Philmont 3x over (mostly 2004), both times I totally wrecked on my bicycle, getting arrested, my grandmother Herbst and grandfather Schue funerals, the first time I drove the fire truck by myself with no prior training and doing a damn good job, and all the things I shouldn't have done...
Anyways, that totally besides the point of what I was going to post about... All I really wanted to get across was that I'm no longer depressed... I mean I still have my little spouts when I just freeze up and stare off into space, but its not like I look at every day like its the end... I have mostly Emily to thank for that, and partially the talk I had with Chelsea even though it didn't end in the best possible way... For some reason that's hard to explain, I have this glimmering hope, a pinhole of light at the end of my dark tunnel that has been my home for the past 5 months...
But I fear that it could all come shattering down...
I know what I want...
I know what I have to do...
I just hope that the dreams and the thoughts that I've been having for a while now, are the same as what God has planned for me...
There are so many things hidden inside me that no one knows about...
I wish I could just open up...
I wish you could understand...
I wish you could see...
The person that I am TODAY...

Staind - "So Far Away"
This is my life, its not what it was before.
All these feelings I've shared, and these are my dreams, that I'd never lived before.
Now that we're here, it's so far away.
All the struggle we thought was in vain, all the mistakes, one life contained, they all finally start to go away.
Now that we're here, its so far away, and I feel like I can face the day, and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today.
These are my words that I've never said before.
I think I'm doing okay.
This is the smile that I've never shown before.