Sorry in advance...

So yeah... although this last week has been pretty good despite how busy it has been and by no means is reflective of the last post I made... I have to say I'm a very impulsive person when it comes to making a post, and right now not the best things have been going through my head... once again not representative of what I'm thankful for this last week... Damn you Erica for wanting to make another post... I really hope this one doesn't piss you off... I'd feel really bad...
I'm not even sure where to start...
*pause*
Seriously, how the hell did I end up in this kind of mood?
I have so many great things going on in my life yet I have to spend all my time dwelling on the past or things I can't control and worry about...
Here I am... about ready to pass out on my keyboard... only still awake because I'm waiting on a phone call and Stargel has a really good knack for getting me to talk a lot...
*pause*
So yeah... Seriously... I hate my life... Everything in this world that has been good to me is completely dampened by a culmination of circumstances that make 1 event that has completely wrecked my life... None of it F'ing matters... I could have not even gone to school at all, I could not have a car, I could not be apart of my amazing Fraternity, I could have a horrible family with a horrible story to tell everyone about how much it sucks to be me, but all of that wouldn't matter if I had 1 thing. Thats how much I care for that 1 thing... Yes... if you haven't gotten the clue yet, Stargel got me started looking through old pictures and I've spent the last hour or more looking at pictures of the only 2 years in my life worth remembering... 4 god damn months and I'm still here, breaking down in my chair at 2 o'clock in the god damn morning during F'ing 10th week with finals coming up and somehow I still manage to think about it...
I feel like no one can ever understand... So please, don't get mad at me... I really don't need that right now....
"I'm falling apart again, and I can't find a way to make amends, and I'm looking in both directions, but it's make believe, it's all pretend. So... Shed some light on me, and hold me up in disbelief, and shed some light on me, and tell me something that I'll believe in."
I'm sorry if you just read this... believe me, I'm a fingers click away from deleting it... but i guess I have no one to really vent too, so I vent to the world in hopes someone will reach out and pick me back up...
I'm going to wash the tears off my face and try to get some sleep...
I'm sorry and goodnight...