Once again....

Once again, I find myself, bored, thinking about the past, thinking about my present, and thinking about my future...
I know exactly what I want, but I don't think I'll ever have it all... One day I'll finally cope with the idea of only living my life half fulfilled, but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon... I put myself in this position, not fate... Fate is bullshit because we have a God given right to make our own decisions... Living out my life half fulfilled is my punishment for the mistakes I've made, but I guess I'm thankful I'm still alive...
I don't know what I feel, and don't know if I'll ever feel at all again...
I look back on my life and I can say without a doubt that I've made many more bad decisions than good... I still feel that way today, right now at this very moment...
I don't know what to do, I feel lost once again...
I wish someone could just sweep me away from all this pain and misery...
Excuse the shitty post... I'm tired and I want to go to bed... Goodnight...