I like Epiphanies...

So I'm just chilling here...
It's been a long day going round the Haute with Jeni, which just made my day...
Well... since I am just chilling here, nothing to do, I get to thinking about things in my life, like how I'm doing... Which is something I haven't evaluated in a while...
I really don't know what I want in life... I mean I know some things... Like I know I want someone to share everything with for the rest of my life, I like seriously can't wait to find that special person and get married because it bugs me that in a year and a half I won't have a dating scene or social life anymore, yes even less than I have now, thats why it scares me... All the more reason why I hated losing chelsea... I know that I'll have a burning passion for something in my future... whether its my wife or something else outside of work like Boy Scouts or God knows what... I just know I'll have a much happier life with a lady always by my side... Thats one thing I think I've recently come to terms with, that I am a needy person, and that so few people care for me, and let alone always be there for me, that when someone even slightly cares I just put all my time into that person hoping that they feel they need me too...
Ugh... Sorry it seems all I can talk about in this damn blog is my relationships... Its the only thing that isn't going well in my life, with the exception of not enough free time but there isn't anything I can do about that... After watching 40 year old virgin today with Jeni, I seriously thought that would be me in 20 years... so socially inept that I will simply float off into the void of life after college...
It is a seriously depressing thought to be 21 years old and thinking that you're too old, it's already too late, you've lost the game of life / love and you're destined to die alone... I've past my prime - take me out to the green fields and shot me...
I can't think of anything else to say... been staring at this damn screen for 40 minutes now...
My life revolves around my brothers and my friends that give a shit... All of which could disappear after college... then what else will I have to live for?
I seriously don't think anyone reads this anymore... Who the hell would want to?
I'm consistantly finding out that those I care so much about don't care as much about me... That is such a cold and harsh feeling... It makes me want to give up on life... I plan to let Rose consume me and fall off the face of the Earth...
G'night...