The Engineer in me...
So lets see if I can say this right the first time without pissing anybody off...
Lets give this a try after thinking about it for a bit...
So... If there is one thing I can say I really learned from the last two years, is what a serious relationship really is... like what it is down to the core... If you look back a while you'll find a point where I read a younger Brother's blog and he had some very interesting views on the subject of what a serious relationship really was as he recently went through something similar although not nearly as severe as mine... Anyways, I took part of his view and formulated the following over the past month... So all these thoughts are mine, no fucking quotes here, nothing from anyone else's experiences but my own... Damn those fucking quotes about love, I hate them...
So, what have I missed most the last 4 months? I could say so many things, her face, her hugs, her eyes, her hair, the undeniable link between us, the undeniable compatibility... But you boil off the exterior and you get to the root of it all... Love... but really all love is, is simply an extreme situation where you care for someone more than anyone else, even your own family at times... And that is what I miss... Yes chelsea are linked for life, but that is just history and it isn't what has been tearing me apart. What has been tearing me apart is losing that someone who cares for me more than the world and thinking I'll never have it again.
I'm getting off track... Ok so caring above all else is what makes a wonderful serious relationship... because if you care for them enough then you're willing to do anything for them and that will always instill feelings in both people that make the relationship go round.
But why would anyone ever care so much about someone? Well my view of this one might differ from others... I believe that there is SOME divine intervention when you find someone special that makes your heart burn with fire... BUT I also believe that God doesn't control our lives... God only created the Earth and Life (if you believe that route) and then pretty well stepped out of the picture 2000 years ago... Hence why I say God would only do so much as introduce you to someone special, and from there on out it is up to YOU using your own God given sense of logic and thought to MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK... I believe in destiny in the sense that it is by the smallest chance in the world to find someone great... but it is still entirely up to those people to realize how lucky they are, to make the best of it, and not drop the ball... God doesn't decide that a relationship isn't meant to be, only that the possibility exists and from there on out, just like life itself, you're on your own...
I guess that just adds to why I'm so pissed off about the whole ex thing. Everything in my life dictates that everything happened for the wrong reason or should have never happened at all...
At the same time, part of me says that life goes on and I'll find someone that cares about me like she did... but far too often I let my other multiple thoughts about what shouldn't have gone wrong overrun that one thought of life going on...
All I need is someone who cares for me just as much or more than she did, and then I can finally subdue the thoughts that keep me up at night and bring tears to my eyes...
Well I think I got that all in the right order so that it makes some sense... My thought process got messed up when I found a bad away message on a friend's profile that I care a lot about...
Just got off the phone... Hopefully I helped... I'm glad she called me...
I'm wide awake and it is really tempting to just drive down there right now and have someone else turn in my homework....
thats how much I care...
on a quick side note, where the hell did everyone else go? not naming names but seems like everyone else dropped off the radar but Erica... All the more reason why I care for her... cuz she gives a damn about me :)
Lets give this a try after thinking about it for a bit...
So... If there is one thing I can say I really learned from the last two years, is what a serious relationship really is... like what it is down to the core... If you look back a while you'll find a point where I read a younger Brother's blog and he had some very interesting views on the subject of what a serious relationship really was as he recently went through something similar although not nearly as severe as mine... Anyways, I took part of his view and formulated the following over the past month... So all these thoughts are mine, no fucking quotes here, nothing from anyone else's experiences but my own... Damn those fucking quotes about love, I hate them...
So, what have I missed most the last 4 months? I could say so many things, her face, her hugs, her eyes, her hair, the undeniable link between us, the undeniable compatibility... But you boil off the exterior and you get to the root of it all... Love... but really all love is, is simply an extreme situation where you care for someone more than anyone else, even your own family at times... And that is what I miss... Yes chelsea are linked for life, but that is just history and it isn't what has been tearing me apart. What has been tearing me apart is losing that someone who cares for me more than the world and thinking I'll never have it again.
I'm getting off track... Ok so caring above all else is what makes a wonderful serious relationship... because if you care for them enough then you're willing to do anything for them and that will always instill feelings in both people that make the relationship go round.
But why would anyone ever care so much about someone? Well my view of this one might differ from others... I believe that there is SOME divine intervention when you find someone special that makes your heart burn with fire... BUT I also believe that God doesn't control our lives... God only created the Earth and Life (if you believe that route) and then pretty well stepped out of the picture 2000 years ago... Hence why I say God would only do so much as introduce you to someone special, and from there on out it is up to YOU using your own God given sense of logic and thought to MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK... I believe in destiny in the sense that it is by the smallest chance in the world to find someone great... but it is still entirely up to those people to realize how lucky they are, to make the best of it, and not drop the ball... God doesn't decide that a relationship isn't meant to be, only that the possibility exists and from there on out, just like life itself, you're on your own...
I guess that just adds to why I'm so pissed off about the whole ex thing. Everything in my life dictates that everything happened for the wrong reason or should have never happened at all...
At the same time, part of me says that life goes on and I'll find someone that cares about me like she did... but far too often I let my other multiple thoughts about what shouldn't have gone wrong overrun that one thought of life going on...
All I need is someone who cares for me just as much or more than she did, and then I can finally subdue the thoughts that keep me up at night and bring tears to my eyes...
Well I think I got that all in the right order so that it makes some sense... My thought process got messed up when I found a bad away message on a friend's profile that I care a lot about...
Just got off the phone... Hopefully I helped... I'm glad she called me...
I'm wide awake and it is really tempting to just drive down there right now and have someone else turn in my homework....
thats how much I care...
on a quick side note, where the hell did everyone else go? not naming names but seems like everyone else dropped off the radar but Erica... All the more reason why I care for her... cuz she gives a damn about me :)
posted by Eric at
11/11/2005 01:38:00 AM
1 Comments:
ERIC what the fuck i always am here for u - im always here for u to talk to or lend u a shoulder to cry on - never once have i left u hanging yet u keep trying to push ME AWAY - ive always considered u one of my REALLY good friends and never once have i ever backed out on u - if you need me in HERE - so stop sulking and saying only erica is there for u cause last time i checked i was too - now that im done being angry seriously though i am here and you know u can call me anytime day or night lovve ya hun never forget it!
noodle
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Anonymous, at 11:40 PM
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